Musings
an Online Journal of Sorts

By Alyce Wilson

My inner view is bleaker than my current reality

How well do you really know yourself? You might not know yourself as well as you know.

Last night, I was watching a new show on NBC, called Science of Love: A Modern Dating Experiment.

The show is basically a half-hour commercial for PerfectMatch.com, but I still found it interesting.

The contestant (or whatever you'd call him) got to choose his favorite from a group of potential mates, and went on a date with her. He also went on a date with a woman chosen for him using "scientific principals."

The scientific principals consisted of asking him questions and monitoring his emotional responses as he answered them and also as he looked at a series of pictures of women. Therefore, they could pick someone who matched both the personality and the look he really liked.

Interestingly, his "perfect date" was almost exactly opposite from the kind of woman he said he wanted. An affable football player, he claimed he liked women who were under 5'6", brunette, traditional and introverted. The scientific analysis revealed he liked women over 5'6" who were blonde, outgoing and risk-takers.

He gets to choose what he does with the date he'd chosen, and they design a romantic date for him with the scientific pick, which uses scientific principles of attraction to bond them and create feelings of love.

It's probably no surprise he fell for the woman scientifically chosen for him.

This made me think about the misconceptions we have of ourselves. For example, how did I get the idea that I'm an introvert? True, I went through an extended awkward period in my early teens, where I chose to hide behind books, take long hikes with my brother and bike rides with my mom. But from the time I was a young girl, my outgoing characteristics were also clear.

As a little girl, my favorite part of the apartment we lived in above my dad's office was the landing between the living room and the front rooms, a large flat space clearly visible from anywhere in the living room. I called it my stage and did performances for my captive family members, who were trying to read and watch television. Instead, I demanded they watch me sing, dance and tell stories.

When we moved to a house across the river, I bemoaned my lack of a stage. My father suggested I use the landing at the bottom of the stairs, a ridiculous proposition, since it was off the front entry way, which offered no room for audience seating. Instead, I had to resort to telling stories at other times when my would-be audience members couldn't escape, such as during long car trips.

Forcing myself out of my awkward teens, I goaded myself into taking chances, making myself call people or talk to people even when I felt intimidated. Over the years, I've talked myself into auditioning for and performing in community theater, hosting a college radio program, interviewing multiple important people and celebrities, and more recently, belly dancing and taking improvisational comedy classes.

My sister says I'm brave to try these things, but I don't think of it that way, because I know that I always have to fight back the voice of doubt. Still, The Gryphon tells me that's the definition of courage: not the lack of fear but to proceed forward in the face of fear.

So while I might have been an introvert for a brief period in my life, and while I could easily follow the temptation to hide away from the world, I've become more extroverted over time. Therefore, that outdated view of myself as introvert no longer applies.

Much the same can be said about my body image, which has been slow to catch up to reality. Those who know me or who read Musings regularly, know that over the past seven years, I've gone from a size 20 to a size 8. While my self-image has made enormous strides, I realize I still have a ways to go.

I was watching a new show on TLC, I've Got Nothing to Wear. In this show, fashion design students take items from a client's wardrobe, specially selected by a stylist, and remake them to update them and make them suit the client better. The client chooses a favorite, and that stylist is declared the winner, essentially winning bragging rights (and national exposure, through the show).

The first episode I watched featured a woman I thought was thin and gorgeous. After they'd gone through her closet and chosen some items to rework, they brought her into the studio to take measurements. To my surprise, her measurements were exactly the same as the measurements the seamstress took of me at my recent wedding dress fitting, except that my chest was bigger.

I was flabbergasted. Now, she might be a few inches taller than me, which would make her proportions look different, but even so, it gave me food for thought.

Rarely any more does anyone take a picture of me that I don't like, and I'm often surprised to discover that the person in the photos looks smaller than I'd thought I looked that day. This reminds me of something I read recently in a magazine. Star Jones Reynolds, who is now 135 pounds, says that when she looks in a mirror, she still sees the size 26 woman she used to be. I guess it takes the internal image a while to catch up.

So I guess the lesson here is not to get too locked into old ideas about yourself. Don't focus on your perceived faults, because the truth is, we change and grow over the years. Love yourself, and the rest will follow.

Copyright 2006 by Alyce Wilson

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