Musings
an Online Journal of Sorts

By Alyce Wilson

Sunday was the second half of the two-part musical improv workshop that I took through ComedySportz.

Everyone who'd been present the previous week was for this one, as well, including Fran, Jennifer, J.T, Amy, Mark, Rich, Helen, Mary Ann, Cheri, Layla, red-haired Colleen (not the Colleen from my other improv classes) and curly-haired Carol (not the Carol from my previous classes).

We got started a little late because of some troubles getting the room unlocked. But while our instructor, Dave, was taking care of things, keyboardist Doug led us in some warm-up exercises.

After we were warmed up, Dave started us on solo singing. He told us that every song has an intention, so after reviewing the structure of a song, he had us each come up and try one. Each of us was given a suggestion and an intention which we were supposed to convey.

J.T. was brave, starting us off with a song about how much he enjoyed breaking in new sneakers. He danced around as he was singing, as if he was trying to break in his shoes. At the close of the song, he sang that he liked breaking them in even if it was on someone's face, and he did a high kick.

I volunteered next, because I wanted to get it out of the way. My suggestion was wedding and my intention was to convey fear. So I played up that emotion by starting off the song melodramatically, putting my hands to my forehead and looking distressed. I sang about how I'd had my dress fitting yesterday and looked OK, I guess. But she'd put so many pins in the back I was afraid I'd look a mess. For my chorus, I sang, "I just know I'll look a mess on my wedding day" with a hook about how my hair was going to turn pink and at the very end, I exclaimed I knew I'd just gain back those 80 pounds!

I don't remember the order everyone else sang in, but I can remember what they sang about. Carol sang about how much she hates dogs. She sang about being bitten by a dog when she was young and therefore hated them. Throughout, she played up the character of an old, crotchety woman.

Colleen sang about decorating her house to try to please her mother-in-law. She told a little story about how she lived in a trailer park but her mother lived in the Hamptons and didn't approve of anything she did. She was trying really hard to impress her, singing about how everything was covered in gold fringe and she was going to hit the white sale at Wal-Mart. Her chorus was great: "The shrew is coming today."

Fran was an ice skating instructor singing about how much she wanted her students to win. She explained in the course of the song that she'd once wanted Olympic gold herself but now hoped to coach her students to fame. During the song she did a little instruction: spin, twirl, don't fall down. I thought that would have been a great chorus.

We posed an interesting challenge for Amy, to sing about Tupperware and how much she loved how it smelled. She turned it into a sexy song about how she loved to rub Tupperware all over herself and all over her husband, playing it up with her movements. That really sold the song.

Helen sang about surfing and searching for the perfect wave. She got a little hung up, trying to tell a story about how she got into surfing, so she sang about three verses before Dave coached her to do a chorus. I have to say, that's one of the hardest things to remember when you're on-stage alone: the structure of the song. It's really easy to get off track, while it's easier when you're in a group because everyone knows what their part should be.

Cheri sang about hating fairies, but I missed part of that because I ran to the bathroom. When I returned, she was singing, "Oh, look, a circle of flowers" and then stomped on it viciously.

Mark is a natural about this. His sang about really wanting to be on a game show. He was so good you would have thought it was written ahead of time. Somehow, he not only remembered the structure but rhymed where he was supposed to. Plus, every line was funny, either because of the words or the way he sang it. He sang to us as if we were the producers who could put him on the air, and he was truly desperate, singing about how he'd do anything they wanted him to: eat bugs, sing a song or even change his sexual preference! He got a lot of applause.

For her song, Layla sang about how overjoyed she was to be unemployed. She sang about how it was great not to have a job. She could sleep in late and watch all the talk shows and go out with men. Layla sang it really cheery and upbeat, with a big smile on her face.

When Jennifer's turn came, she was a bartender singing about dealing with annoying drunks. She did hers like a modern musical, making the space come alive by polishing glasses and gesturing to her customers, a guy who bitched to her all the time about his troubles and a woman who was happy to be unemployed (a callback to Layla's song). So she'd put Ex-Lax in the man's drink and written the girl's number next to the phone. The chorus was "These are my people", which of course, she hated.

Mary Ann sang about gym teachers and how much they smell. She sang that her favorite subject was gym until the gym teacher arrived, stinking really bad, so that she thought she would die.

Rich sang about being really proud of his tattoos. At first he was quiet, so Dave urged him to get louder. He grew more comfortable as he sang, singing about how he wanted every inch of his skin covered with tattoos.

Then we moved on to duets. Dave broke the song into parts. The first person would sing the first two lines and the other person would sing the second two. Then the first person would sing the chorus. The second person would begin the second verse. Dave told us which person would start. Each pair got a suggestion and a relationship.

I think the first ones up were Mary Ann and Cheri, who had to sing about allowance, and they were siblings. Cheri started, singing about how their allowance should be bigger, and Mary Ann agreed that they needed more. Mary Ann suggested that Cheri ask their parents for an increase, since "they like you better" and Cheri asked, "Well, then why do you get more allowance?'

Rich and J.T. sang about tacos and chicks, and how they liked to go down to the taco stand and hit on the women. The chorus was "Tacos and Chicks." A pretty simple song, really.

Since Amy and I were right after them, someone initially suggested "Aprons and Guys", but Rich said no to that suggestion, because we'd just reprise the other song. Our suggestion was ice cream, and our relationship was rivals. Even though at least one person in the audience suggested we be rival ice cream makers, Dave let us decide how we were rivals.

We started out adopting poses like we were playing it tough, giving each other the evil eye. When Dave asked us if we were ready, and we nodded, I turned to her and challenged her: "Are you ready?"

I have to give Amy a lot of credit for establishing a platform in the first two lines of the song by singing about how she could eat the most ice cream on the middle school playground. I, of course, was her competition, and I sang about how I'd brought my special spoon and I was going to show her. She sang the chorus, which was "Ice cream war, happening here," making big dramatic arm movements like we were in West Side Story or something. I joined in, mimicking the movements.

Amy started the second verse, instead of me, so I jumped in and sang the second line, and we went back and forth, about how we were going to throw-down. We started our ice cream battle, shoveling the ice cream into our mouths. I was eating with both hands, manically. We went back to the chorus and finished really big. At the end, we were standing back to back and Amy made a movement as if she might be getting a little sick, so I took a cue from her and fell to the ground, vomiting. At the very end, I lifted my head weakly and groaned, "You win!!!" The class loved it.

I have to say, it was a lot of fun working with Amy. She makes very strong offers, and I really felt a sense of give and take. It was truly inspiring. A thrill.

It seemed a similar experience for Mark and Jen when they got up. Their song was about laundry, and their relationship was young lovers. They started out the song holding hands and singing sweetly. He was apologizing to her for not picking up his clothes and putting them in the laundry like he was supposed to. She sang that was OK, this time, but he needed to remember to do so in the future.

For the chorus, he mimed picking up the laundry, shaking it off, putting it in the washer and turning on the water, singing, "Lift, flip, put in, water." Jen got very excited, praising him for being so helpful, and he sang about how he would always remember to do that again. They exuberantly sang the chorus together again, as if it was the most exciting discovery ever. I'll be singing it for days. It seemed like a song from a bizarre musical.

Fran and Helen sang about juggling, and they were siblings in an act together. First, they sang about how much they loved having an act together. But in the second verse, it turns out that Fran thought Helen was too slow and Helen thought Fran was too fast and impatient. But they resolved it at the end by juggling together.

At the end were Carol and Colleen, who were neighbors who feared technology. They shared stories over the back fence. Carol sang that she'd accidentally deleted her kid's homework, while Colleen sang that she thought you could erase right on the screen. The chorus, thanks to Carol, was "Computers are evil." In the second verse, they combined forces and sang about their plans to bury all the computers in a big mound. So they found a way to develop their relationship through that song, which I thought was great.

Finally, Cheri and Layla were mobsters, singing about a whacking. Jimmy was getting whacked, and they were going to be there. The chorus was, "I love a good old street whacking. I love to hold my Gat in the air."

We moved on, then, to a couple games that involved songs. First was Dueling Soundtracks. This involves eight people who go up on stage in groups of four. The first four people sing a theme song for a show, based on suggestions from the audience, and the second four have to act out a scene from that show.

Since we had 13 people in the class, several of us went twice, including me. First, I believe we got a suggestion about George Bush coming out of the closet, and we sang this cowboy style song about "He's coming out of the closet, yee-haw!"

The scene, though, was between Mark as George Bush and Rich as Dick Cheney, with Amy bursting in as Laura Bush. They went through a very sort of awkward scene with George Bush asking Dick Cheney if he wanted to see his vacuum cleaner, which was in his closet.

Then those four sang a song about Paris Hilton in prison, which we then had to act out. Cheri flounced on-stage sweeping her hair away from her forehead and saying, "That was totally not hot."

So I became one of her fellow inmates. "I disagree. There is nothing hotter than an unclean toilet. Take a closer look." She leaned down to take a closer look, and I pushed her head down into the toilet. Cheri made it look like I was pushing her harder than I was, which made Dave give us notes about it later, about being careful to give clear signals to those on-stage.

I started laughing. "It's too easy. You try it," I suggested to Carol, who came on and talked Paris into using the toilet for hair gel. Eww.

Another show was about an ostrich going to the big city. The three other women in my group that time, Jennifer, Cheri and Layla, acted that out. They were all acting like ostriches, two of them from the Philadelphia Zoo and the other, a brash talker with a New York accent who thought they were out of style, played by Layla. I kept looking for a good time to come on-stage but didn't see one, so I stayed off.

Then I helped sing a soundtrack about a show called "Smacking the Andersons", about a family that beat each other a lot. And as you might imagine, the other four people came on and spent the whole scene fighting and getting into fights that involved primarily slapping each other in the face.

We discussed the game later and discovered that the best way to play it would be to provide as much detail as possible in the song, without actually telling the story.

Finally, we played a game called Sing It, where three people act out a scene, stopped occasionally by the referee, who repeats a line they just said and tells them to sing it. They then have to sing a song based on that line that must also include that line.

Each time, we had three people participating, with two players on stage initially and a third off-stage, as a supporting actor who could come in when appropriate. We came up with some really great stuff.

I was in a scene with Rich and Carol that started at a firehall. Rich was polishing a truck, and Carol told him he was doing it wrong. It turned out she was never happy with anything he did, and she sang a song about that. Then he revealed they were married and he felt that she wasn't emotional enough, so he sang a song about "why won't you tell me you love me." But she was still remote when the song ended.

Then, watching from off-stage, I realized a good opportunity to come on, hopefully to resolve the crisis. I ran on shrieking, "Daddy, Daddy, I'm on fire!" He told me to stop, drop and roll, which I did. "It worked!" I said.

"See, she runs to me because you're so remote," he said.

"Yes, Mommy. Why won't you tell me you love me?" I asked. She crossed her arms. "I caught on fire for you!" Dave had me sing that line, so I sang about how I'd taken the matches and set myself on fire because I heard Mommy and Daddy fighting again. The chorus was, "I caught on fire for you, and I'd do it again, too." We ended the scene all singing it together, holding hands. Nothing like a little pyromania to resolve marital difficulties!

A simply brilliant scene involved Mark, Amy and Fran. The setting was a church, and Mark was Amy's dad, about to walk her down the aisle. But he told her it wasn't too late to back out. Turns out he was having a hard time letting her go, and he sang about how he wanted her to just come home and live with her parents. Then she sang about how he had to cut the umbilical cord. The funniest part was how they danced around during this song, acting out what she was singing. Finally, Fran came on as the fiancé and sang a song demanding that Amy make a choice, "It's him or me." Mark, in a very entertaining but totally in character gesture, crawled up to them and stood up between their arms. Hilarious.

J.T., Cheri and Mary Ann were in a scene set on the beach. J.T. was a lifeguard, and fellow lifeguard Cheri was fawning all over him, getting him drinks and putting sun lotion on his back. He seemed indifferent towards her. She sang about the fact that he'd remembered her name, Mallory. Then Mary Ann came on and was clearly a lower status than Cheri, both from her body language and from the fact that she put her towel down on the beach right in front of her, because it was the best place. She sang about how it was the best place on the beach because it was right where Mallory could protect her. But when her devotion won Mallory over, J.T. was indignant. He sang, "Is this how you repay me?" The best part was the two women jumping in on the second verse, "Yes, this is how we repay you," singing about how much better it was to be appreciated. At the very end, J.T. got in a punchline, sidling up to them and saying, "Well, if that's the case, can I join?"

Mary Ann revealed during the comments section that she'd wanted to draw Cheri off and walk away with her, and Dave said that was a good instinct. It would have been an equally fitting way to end the scene by leaving J.T. on-stage, fuming, "But I'm the hottest hunk on the beach!", getting his just desserts for treating Mallory badly.

Fran and Colleen were in a yarn factory, where they were coworkers. Colleen was retiring the next day and sang about how wonderful it would be. Just then, Fran said she heard the "jangling keys of the supervisor," and Mark came in as a very stuffy, snooty supervisor who begged Colleen to stay. He sang about how "you're irreplaceable, it seems." In the course of the song, he compared her work favorably to Fran, who he basically said was useless. So at the end of the song, Fran took exception to it, and she sang about how she felt unappreciated. At the end, she quit, leaving the stage exclaiming, "Yay!" Colleen, who, flattered by the attention, had agreed to stay on, suddenly seemed to realize what had happened and looked resigned to her fate.

At a scene in a nursing home, Jen and Helen were two old biddies heading for bingo night. Helen asked Jen's secrets of success, and Jen sang a song about how "I cheat." Helen thought this was great, and the two of them made plans to steal the bingo money and run off to Miami. Of course, then Layla came in, as a male resident, and distracted them by flirting with Jennifer. Soon, he was wooing them in song, about how they could become his eighth and ninth wives. Totally taken in, Helen decided to steal him away from Jennifer, singing a song about how she'd be a better wife.

At the very close of the class, we got together in a big circle and sang a song together about rush hour traffic, with the refrain, "Traffic sucks." Dave thanked us all and told us to look for an e-mailed survey about the class and whether we felt it should be expanded into a full workshop.

Afterwards, we took our time leaving, talking to each other as we walked out. Amy handed our fliers for the mini improv festival being held in Dover, Delaware, by the group to which Amy, Mark, Rich, Helen and Mary Ann belong, Delaware Improv Theatre. Mark is also in a Philadelphia-based group called Make Out Clinic.

On the sidewalk, I talked for a while to Cheri and Carol, who have both taken ComedySportz classes, though not with me. Then the Delaware crew came out and said their good-byes, Amy giving us hugs. It turned out I was walking in the same direction as them, so I walked a while with Amy, Mark, Mary Ann, Rich and Helen, who were all in great spirits.

Amy suggested that I check out the Philadelphia Improv Festival in October and maybe try some long-form improv. I told her that the idea of being locked into a scene for longer kind of intimidated me, but that I might try it. After all, I used to be afraid of musical improv, and it turns out it's lots of fun!

You know, improv is a bit like sky diving. After you make the first leap, any extra "tricks" you add on later really aren't that much scarier.

More Musings from improv class:

Improv Class Musings Index

Copyright 2006 by Alyce Wilson

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