Musings
an Online Journal of Sorts

By Alyce Wilson

This is the time of life when many of us make New Year's resolutions. It's important to remember the emotional side of reaching goals. Too often, we forget to take care of ourselves emotionally and spiritually.

Emotional health may mean anything from dealing with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) to purging your mind of old, negative thought patterns.

For example, recently after a discussion with my sister, I decided that I was experiencing some signs of SAD, which tends to happen when the weather grows cold and the days shorter. I thought I should take some positive steps to give myself a boost.

The Gryphon and I bought full spectrum Reveal bulbs, which imitate the spectrum found in daylight. It's a purer, whiter light than the standard yellowish indoor bulbs, and I found it immediately made the place cheerier.

Next, I swapped my desktop picture from a calm, blue picture of a blossoming cherry tree to an abstract picture using bright, cheerful colors. So far, these slight changes have seemed to make a difference. I'm also eating healthier, making more home cooked meals, which I expect will help.

I also think it's important to listen to your internal messages. What do you tell yourself throughout the course of the day? Do you tell yourself things like, "I'm so bad at this. I can't believe I have to do this. I'll never succeed at this."

Sending yourself negative messages can sabotage your effects to turn your life around, whether it's a personal goal or a fitness goal. It sounds corny, but try sending yourself positive messages, such as, "I can do this. I can succeed."

It might not come naturally at first, but in time it will come easier. You can be your own internal cheerleader, encouraging progress.

Sometimes emotional issues go back farther. For example, I had a dream last night that I crashed Leechboy's wedding reception, my very controlling ex-boyfriend who I broke up with more than a decade ago but has showed up in my recurrent dreams. In real life, he is married, which I discovered from Googling him a couple years ago when the Imp of the Perverse hit me.

The reception was at a nice hotel, but everything else about it was less than impressive. Instead of a full meal, they served a light lunch of soup and sandwiches. Instead of a guest book, they passed around a booklet made of red construction paper, and people signed it with crayons and markers.

I was worried that his family would see me, because I was certain he'd made up all sorts of awful things about me and they probably still hated me. Strangely enough, The White Rabbit was there as an invited guest, and he seemed unsurprised to see me. In reality, Leechboy didn't like any of my friends and did his best to alienate me from them. I took a seat at his table and cringed and shrunk down when people started to applaud, indicating the wedding party had arrived.

Still, I was curious. I wanted to see what he and his wife were wearing. I couldn't tell which one was his wife, because the entire wedding party was dressed in white, men and woman alike. I thought that was a pretty tacky idea: like they were trying to be better than they were.

I never got a good glimpse of Leechboy in his suit, but given that he's short and stocky with dark hair and a beard, I'm sure the white suit would not, well, suit him.

Not quite sure what it means, but I have a couple guesses. First of all, it indicates that I am moving on subconsciously, because for years I had dreams that he would come back into my life and insist on getting back together. I would fall into that insular, dark relationship with a sense of familiar despair.

However, in the last couple of years, I've gradually resolved that situation. First, I had dreams where I booted him out. Then I had dreams where he tried to come back and I told him it was over. The last dream I had of him, he was dating someone else, and I felt sorry for her. So in some ways, this is the culmination of that series of dreams.

Secondly, I think it was about wedding planning in general. It could be a thinly disguised anxiety dream about my fears that, no matter how hard I plan, the wedding reception might go askew.

As I plan my wedding to The Gryphon, I'm thinking back over old relationships and coming to term with unresolved issues.

Certainly, we all have issues, whether it's dealing with memories or internalized feelings about ourselves which prevent us from moving on. Sometimes a mental block is just an old habit.

For example, every time you come home from work you sack out on the couch and don't get anything done. Why not spend the first hour working towards your goals? Make sure to divide larger goals up into smaller goals so they're easier to achieve, one step at a time.

Don't forget to enlist the support of friends and family. Let them in on what you're trying to achieve, and they might have ideas how to achieve it, plus providing emotional support.

Whatever your New Year's resolutions are, I'm sure you can achieve them if you set challenging but achievable goals, breaking them down into smaller parts. Eventually, you'll achieve them. With the help of your internal cheerleader rooting for you, you'll never lose faith.

Copyright 2006 by Alyce Wilson

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